Canvas

 

For years I’ve built my walls. I kept myself clean as an untouched canvas.
I was contented. I was quiet and boring, but i get by.

For years, i lived in my own ivory tower, no one dared to approach. I was untouchable.

Then one ordinary day turned into a frenzy.
Someone came. Someone overtook my tower.
It was a he.

My once blank canvas is now a colorful mess of him and me.
I was colorful. Life was beautiful. He was there.

I never thought that someone would be able to come and take me away from my ivory tower, to color me in with swirling colors of red, orange and yellow.

What an intense combination, I said. How beautiful, I said. Then alas! Here came the storm

My own canvas was filled with purple black and blue. How? How did the once fiery passion for each other turned into a cold bruise? How was our fiery light doused by the beaten black and blue?

I’m not as mesmerizing as I was when I was the hues of red. I am now the cold hues of purple and blue. I am once again distant from warmth.

Then, he left. He left with the fire inside of me and left me alone and cold in the darkness of my tower.
Once again, I am alone. Rebuilding my walls, stronger this time. Now that I am broken and bruised, it is time to escape myself. It is time to leave and never ever come back. Maybe it is time for me to go back to neverland.
Maybe it’s time to go back to my fantasy.

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Hi Mother, Hi Father

Hi mother, Hi father. Look at me! Your first kid! Are you thrilled? Are you happy? Will you love me? Mummy, am I too heavy? I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mummy. You’re gaining so much weight because of me. Will you still love me even if I gave you so much pain? Don’t worry, Mummy! I’ll be out of here before you know it!

Hi mother, Hi father! Look I’m getting older now. I hope you’re not fed up of me. I’m almost an adult now. I know I’ve been a burden to you for long enough. Long enough that you would think that I am not worth it anymore. I’m sorry, Daddy if I made you angry. I’m sorry, Mummy because I’m lazy sometimes. Even if I try to tell you what’s wrong, you never listened. I hope you don’t do the same to my little sis. I hope you listen to her. Mummy, Daddy, there is so much more than raising your child accordingly. I hoped you raised me with love and happiness, not annoyance and hurt and regret. Even when at Seven years old when you told me you don’t love me, I never understood why. Was it because I made you gain weight or was it because I am lazy or was it because I didn’t become an engineer like you wanted? I’m sorry Mummy and Daddy.

Hi mother, Hi father. I can see you from up here. I’ll always look after all of you! Sometimes you look up at the sky and I would wonder if you remember me. Don’t worry, Mummy. I’m happy here. Don’t worry, Daddy. There are no boys trying to go for me. I know I left early but I am happy now. The words you called me and told me doesn’t give me grief anymore. I am happy that you guys and my little sis is happy. I’m happy you learned from what happened to me. I love you, Mummy and Daddy!

Always

An Open Letter to my Ex

Hi. Remember me? We had good times didn’t we? I appreciate them now. Dancing for the same group, participating in school plays together. I miss them..I was looking through some photos from four years ago.. the year we were together. Doing that made me nostalgic. That’s why I went and visit your twitter profile. I see you are succeeding in your aspirations and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Looking through your profile seeing you have already moved on, made some part of me hurt. Because of that, I realized you’ve already moved on, and nothing could be worse than that. I feel selfish because I am mad that I am no longer a part of your life, I feel selfish because you are already happy. Along with the feeling of missing you, I felt hopelessness. Hopeless because I know that things will never be the same again. I’m sorry I did this to us. I’m sorry that I took you for granted. I hate myself because we can’t even be friends anymore. I wanted to talk to you about anything and everything but I can’t do that anymore. Because nothings the same. Everything changed and we are not friends anymore. Remembering the memories we had, damn. I realized that I don’t only miss you. It’s that I haven’t moved on. After all these years, I am still hopelessly in love with you.